I have been with my husband for over 8 years. 2 amazing children, a home, everything we have ever wanted. My husband didn't come from much, so I never thought that anything would penetrate us, I have given him the family he has always wanted. About 2 monthes ago he called while I was away working, telling me he was unhappy and he wanted to leave. He told me "I am only 32, I want to know now if this isn't going to work". I was devastated. After I returned we decided to work on things, after all, no marriage is perfect. For the next 2 monthes I put myself through the wringer trying to "fix" all my faults (I am not the greatest of housekeepers and I tend to yell first and communicate later). Here I was thinking that we were going to get through this and at the same time I am going to improve as a person. Come to find out, he was talking with a woman he works with this whole time. He swears to me there was never any physical contact, but the would meet up after work to have few beers and discuss their shitty marraiges. I find this out by checking in on his cell phone and notice a number I don't recognize and incoming calls from a private line. Long story short, I kicked him out, he is back, swears that it is over and that talking was all it ever was. Of course this woman (white trash) feels the need to contact me and tell me that they were sleeping together, etc, etc...From the research I have done about emotional cheating it is fairly text book for her to react that way and I do trust him. I just don't know if I can get over it....He has started therepy and is a completely different person when he is home (one of the problems we were having, amount of time he spends at home and the quality of time). But he works with this woman...he calls me from work 10 times a day and is trying to make sure that I am OK...I just don't know....I think about this everyday, all the time. It seems just as bad if he had slept with her. He lied for over a month about it, then I had to find it all out on my own. Don't get me wrong, my husband is a good man, I believe him when he says this other woman kind of strung him along but I know if this were me? He would be through the roof! How long will it take for me to get over this, or will I?

For me, thinking that my husband was having "just" an emotional affair was , in some ways, worse than a physical affair would have been.  As I told him...sex I can get from you, emotional connection, the thing I wanted most of all is what you gave to the other woman.  This was well over 10 years ago in my marriage and following a 1 year seperation we decided to "try again".   

What I have learned in the 10 years since reconciling is that I can't really ever KNOW that it was just emotional cheating.  But since i feel they are both equally wrong I don't get too hung up on that.    I don't think you will ever really "get over" this.  I know for me there is the before time when I thought we were on the same page and connected deeply.  Then the after time where I realize that nothing is certain.  It's like trying to unlearn that the world is not flat!    It does get easier with time to push it out of your mind for days, weeks, months and then years. I hope it will be easier for you than it was for me. 

Of course, my husband, has continued to do things that contribute to my uncertainity that I won't have to go through this again. Surfing online websites devoted to cheating, etc.  I hope for you that your husband really does regret his actions and more importantly is not going to repeat them.  One thing that I realize was lacking from the 'after" phase in my own marriage was my husband's inability to take personal responsiblity for his actions.  Ie: his explanations always contained some element of" I did this because you made me feel like this"... in them.  Not a good sign at all.  If I had that time over again I would not have reconciled unless and until he could look deeply at his own actions and convince me that he understood that regardless of who I was or what I did, the choice to cheat was his own shortcoming.  

I hope you are able to really discuss things, not the affair so much as the "why didn't you say how you were feeling" and the "why didn't I know you were feeling this way" aspect of the affair.

        My husband and I for the most part have a good marriage.  He is my third husband and I am his third wife. We have a lot in common and have the same goals. Our problem lies in his looking at other women. He says it is all in  my head, but when I came back from a trip I found a website still in his history where he was looking at Miss Universe swimsuit competitions and celebrities dressed seductively. I know I am supposed to just accept this kind of behavior as him being a man. But I can't. To me it says he is not happy with me and that he doesn't truly love me. I have tried to forget about it, but it comes up from time to time, and we get in a big arguement and he tells me I have issues. Maybe I do, But to be honest, I was single a long time, and I really dont want to settle for something like this. I am very miserable in my marriage right now and even though I know deep down inside my husbands lucky to have someone that looks like me at my age, I feel very badly about myself that I will never be good enough to keep his affection. I am seriously contemplating a divorce.

Hi.
     I am in a similar situation. We have been together for 3 years. he drinks everyday, smokes grass, watches porn. he said that he watched porn to take revenge cause i always fight and he would never do it again but i don't believe him. said that he watched only a couple of times.he's a liar. i want to take him to a polygraph test but i know that he would fool it, too. he is a liar. i don't know why i didn't leave him. i have stopped talking to other men cause he didn't like it. i hate him. i shud leave him. i know. i can't just think of life without him. please help.