Ding Dong, the Witch Is Gone

In all fairness, I never met my ex-husband’s girlfriend. Still, when my son informed me that Doppleganger was gone and he and his dad were "their own boss", I had to rejoice. The breakup announcement was further confirmed by Perfect calling to inform me that he had moved to a new apartment and would be sending me a letter with the address.

I tried not to jump up and down and clap my hands. Hopefully I didn’t sound too giddy as I congratulated him on the move. He didn’t give me details about the breakup and I didn’t ask, but I can speculate as to what the reasons were.

Reason #1 - She was a b*tch
Excuse my language, but I can’t think of any other word that as aptly describe her. I never met her personally, but every single time I called to talk to my son I could hear her in the background griping at someone. Sometimes she would be yelling at Perfect, saying I called too much or berating him for something he wasn’t doing to her satisfaction.

Other times she would be yelling at her own son, screaming at him for dropping something, spilling something, or demanding that he get off something or other. Occasionally I heard her yell at my son and I desperately wanted to reach through the phone and wring her neck, but within moments Perfect would always step in and force her to back down. Perfect and I fought during our marriage, but I can’t remember screaming at him and everyone around him the way she seemed to. I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone like that and I can’t imagine anyone who would.

Reason #2 - Perfect is still hooked on me
Now I can’t claim to know what goes on in the mind of my ex-husband, but all evidence points to the fact that Perfect is not over me and Doppleganger was just a substitute. Even Doppleganger, the name I jokingly gave her, refers to the fact that she looks eerily like me. I don’t mean that we have the same hair color and body type, I mean that we could be TWINS. She has a different forehead and eye color, but our eye shape and the shape of our noses, lips and chin are IDENTICAL.