Innocent Just Wants To Be Loved

Vicious called today while Excitement was at work. She asked him to call her back. I delivered the message at 4:00. Excitement debated about calling her until 10:00 when he picked up the phone.

Their conversation was long. This time Excitment kept his voice level. He mostly answered "Ok,", "I know,", "I’m sorry you feel that way." When I asked him what had happened he seemed stunned silent.

Vicious had cried. Vicious never cries. She said she was crying for her youngest daughter. She said Innocent felt like she had no father. Excitement had left when she was less than a year old and she had no memory of him. He had always favored the older children when he reached out to them because he felt he had a closer bond with them. Innocent believed he never loved her.

Innocent had asked her mother to ask Excitement for $80 for her birthday present to finish paying off a saddle she had in lay away. Excitement promised to send it with a card in 2 weeks. We had to pay bills this week.

"Don’t make too much of this," Excitement warned me when he had hung up. "This could just be more of Vicious’ games. I will work some overtime to get the money for her birthday. I won’t take anything out of our mouths to give to them though. This is my family now."

"Whatever you want to do," I told him. I wanted to tell him we were all one family. I wanted to tell him that this was a breaking point. Innocent wanted him in her life. If he gave her the love she was craving her siblings might come with her in time. But I didn’t say any of that. Excitement wasn’t ready to hear it.

That night Excitement dreamt that his first 5 children kidnaped me and Bubba and Buddy and buried us alive. He killed his older children in retaliation. Again he woke up crying.