How does he do it? At every opportunity, he not only thwarts your efforts to bond with him, he does all he can to undermine your sense of safety, and your sense that you are effective. 'The Void' he creates in your marital relationship is his key strategic ally. Not only does it prevent you from securely -- and safely -- bonding with him, over and over, relentlessly, ruthlessly, it renders you uneasy, anxious, hurt, confused, self-doubting and frustrated.
In short, The Marital Void works 24/7 to drive you insane.
The Crazy-Making Husband's constant energizing of his marital relationship's Void is the root cause of his wife's agony -- and her desperate turning to something or someone for comfort.
Lost, lonely and terrified whenever we sense The Void in our marriage, we panic. Automatically, instantly, frenetically we seek comfort. We seek a lifeline. The lifeline originally embodied in our mother that, as infants, we instinctively sought. But because, as adults, our lifeline no longer is attached to our mother, we seek it more intensely, more frequently -- searching, reminiscing, hoping. To feel safe. Wanted. Protected.
And yes, to feel truly loved.
To quell the pain and terror of the nothingness of our marriage, many of us turn to food to re-create the comfort of our earliest lifeline. As in our original, primitive bond with our mother, food soothes, calms, nurtures and vitalizes our fragile selves. Yes, I said 'fragile'. Though you may think you are strong, if you are married to a Crazy-Making Husband, and subjected to his constant crazy-inducing maneuvers, you can't help but be fragile.
If food is your comfort choice, you can measure The Void in your marriage -- it is commensurate with the over-size of your body. It is as large as you are overweight. If your source of comfort is alcohol, drugs, over-spending, workahol or affairs, the frequency and intensity of your turning to them is in direct proportion and intensity to the sufferings you are experiencing in your marriage's Void.