When Does The Pain Go Away?

Sorry I’ve been MIA, ladies. I started grad school a couple of months ago and it’s been a bear! Great, but lots of work. 

After reading the message boards today, I noticed a recurring theme; women asking, “When will I feel OK again after the divorce?” Unfortunately, there’s no stock answer. Each person and marriage is different. I can only tell you about my personal experience, and maybe that will help put things in perspective for you. 

Even though I knew 100% that I needed to get out of my first marriage that was full of neglect and unhappiness, I still had moments where I questioned my decision, felt nostalgic, etc. It took YEARS of back-and-forth before I had the courage and money to file. As a matter or fact, I filed once and called it off. When I filed for the second time, I had already done so much work in counseling that I knew I was ready to leave. After I filed for divorce and moved into my own place, I felt a million times better. Only rarely did I have pangs of regret, and that was when my son had trouble adjusting at first. Fortunately, he adjusted very quickly.

I’ve been divorced for three years and remarried for two. I can honestly say that I feel “fine” now. I don’t ever feel heartbroken or sad over the end of my first marriage. I still get angry at my ex because I don’t agree with his ideas about parenting, but the sadness is 100% gone.

I can’t tell you if it will take you two days, two months, or two years to feel better. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your marriage. But I promise, you WILL feel better. Think about it, how many people do you know ten years after a divorce that are still angry, miserable, and heartbroken over it? Sure, there are a few, but most people go on to live happy and fulfilling lives. You may have moments of sadness, like when you see your ex at your child’s high school graduation or at their wedding. But those moments will be so few and far in between, they’ll barely register on your radar.