Michele Hickford, Relationship Expert
Michele Hickford, author of the ball-busting book Do I Need To Slap You?, is a freelance writer with an opinion on almost everything. Her online column for eDiets.com called "Love And Other Mistakes" reaches millions of readers each month. Michele has over 25 years experience in advertising and marketing, both in the US and internationally. She is an award-winning advertising copywriter and has appeared on QVC, Fox News and CNN.
My Man Got Another Woman Pregnant
I'm so upset i can't think straight because my husband just told me last night that he has a baby outside our marriage. He's just now telling me, and the baby will be one-year's-old next month. I'm so torn that I don't know what to do. I really love my husband. Should I let this be the cause of our marriage ending after 13 years? Please help me -- I'm hurting so bad.
Are you kidding me? Just let this BE??? HECK no. That doesn’t mean that you won’t or can’t stay together but one thing is abso-goddamn-lutely for sure. You MUST address this together. The magnitude of this secret and betrayal on his part is HUGE. You two need to go to counseling together – and that’s assuming HE wants to stay together. Here are the reasons why this is huge:
1. He had an affair. No one has an affair for no reason. You both need to understand why.
2. You were completely unaware of this affair. Why? Did you ignore the signs? Were there absolutely no signs? Nothing? Are you absolutely sure everything in your relationship for the last 2 or so years was normal?
3. He was able to lie to you for a very long time. You say you love him. Who do you actually love? The liar? Or the person you convinced yourself he was?
4. You ask, should you “let” this be the cause of ending your marriage? What do you mean “let?” LET him out so he can go off with her? LET yourself admit the guy is a lying cheat who checked out of your marriage years ago?
My dear, I understand this is a very painful revelation for you! There’s no way to deny that – or make it easier. But the fact is, your husband made a stupid, irresponsible decision that ended up with another woman pregnant, created another innocent life and seriously damaged your supposedly sacred union. There’s no going back.
So what can he possibly say to fix this?
If he says he wants nothing to do with this woman, what does that mean for his new child??? What sort of man creates a life and turns his back on it?
He may decide he wants to be with her rather than you. He’s made the decision for you.
He may say he wants to stay in your marriage BUT he can’t turn his back on his new child. Frankly, I don’t see how you can accept that option. It would mean accepting the fact that this other woman and child will be a part of your marriage for a very long time. Women throughout history have accepted mistresses and “other” wives.
But why should you?
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