Last week a friend of mine told me she was going on a first “sort-of date” to meet (in person) a guy from one of the online dating services. They had exchanged a few emails, and arranged to meet casually for coffee.
Now this friend of mine is a vibrant woman, owns a house, has a successful career, tons of friends, very active social life, world traveler, full of sparkle, great sense of humor, caring, generous - you get the picture, right?
And she tells me she’s nervous about meeting this guy. NERVOUS. This terrific, exuberant woman.
Why is she nervous? Because she’s worried about what HE’LL think. Will he like her? Will he find her attractive, or interesting, or worth another look? She’s not giving one thought about what SHE will think about HIM. After all, they’ve never met! She’s never seen him in person, knows very little about him. He could be a slug, a dork, a bore. Nonetheless, her primary concern is whether or not he’ll like her - which is why she’s sweating bullets and breeding tummy butterflies.
As I listened to her, I realized there was a completely different way she should be viewing the situation – a whole different viewpoint, which I wanted to share with you, because it’s applicable to every person in dating mode.
To illustrate, let me ask you a question. Think about your job for a second. Let’s say you’re hiring someone new for your department. First of all you come up with a job description. Then you check out resumes. Finally, you bring some of the candidates in for an interview. Are YOU nervous?
Heck no! You’re evaluating THEM to see if they’ll fit the requirements you’re looking for. You consider each candidate critically, dispassionately. The candidates have to impress YOU. Will they fit into your team? Are they a good match for your organization? Is the chemistry right? What do they bring to the table? Are they honest and trustworthy? Can you check out some references?