Recovery 101: How To Heal

I don’t think the other half in our relationships can ever torture us as much as we torture ourselves. No matter how emotionally cruel he was, how coldly he dropped you, or how painfully long and drawn-out the break-up process was during the endless stream of his creative excuses and watery promises, you’ll probably still do a more thorough job of beating yourself up. 

Well, here are a few simple steps to help you quickly get out of the dark, and into the light once again.

1. Focus on the reality, not the dream.
The primary reason we can’t let go is because we can’t let go of The Dream. What might have been. What could be. The Dream is a very powerful force.

But when your relationship ends, you must remind yourself that The Dream is actually The Pile of Crap. Your relationship is ending because of The Reality  - which truly sucked, my friends, or you wouldn’t be ending it, would you! So when you’re sitting there, crying into your tub of super fudge crunch ribbon, focus on the reality – and how relieved you are to be rid of it.

2. Allow yourself to get mad.
Once you get a good picture of the reality in your head, you will most likely be a little peeved. This is a good thing. Be mad as hell. Be angry that you wasted so much time (and probably money) on this loser. It’s okay to be mad. Let it all out. Write it all down. Then burn it.

3. Allow yourself to get mad at yourself.
Face it, you made a mistake. Maybe there was no way you could have known it would end up this way, but between you and me, I doubt it. We do such a good job of ignoring warning signs at the outset (because of The Dream, see above). But when you look back at how you got into this mess, most likely you’ll see things now you should have seen then. Step up to the plate and admit you made a boo-boo. Get mad at yourself. Accept responsibility for your actions, and then stop beating yourself up. The most valuable thing you can take from the experience is the lesson of how not to do it again.