I No Longer Pronounce You Husband & Wife
The World According To Kiki & J-Fed
J-Fed and I have this really bad habit. We still refer to each other as husband and wife. Not around the kids, mind you. But at other times, the titles just seem to roll of our tongues like diarrhea of the mouth. It’s habit… bad habit.
For example, while he was visiting he had to use my phone to call a colleague.
“I’m using my wife’s phone,” he told him without a second thought.
In another instant, I was speaking with someone and explained that my husband was up here for a few days. It’s not that we’re in denial. We’re well aware of the fact that we’re no longer married. In fact, we made the decision to call it quits. After some quiet contemplation, I realized why we do it. Strike that. I realized why I do it. I have no idea why J-Fed does what he does. Never have, never will.
Why does a grown man spend hours on end playing Texas Hold Em at the local watering bar? Why does a father of two invest more than $20,000 in go carts? Why does an individual who has a seemingly simple life decide he’d much rather live in a less than stellar apartment, especially one that has a rampant rat running around? One can only stand to reason that he exists on the brink of insanity.
I know why I still refer to him as my husband – because it’s convenient. That’s right.
How do you explain to someone what you’re doing vacationing with your ex? It’s kind of like, “Oh gee. I could have gone to Club Med and found true love with some handsome successful bachelor and gotten laid, but instead I decided to hang out in the mountains with my ex who peed in our armoire, ignored our anniversary and repeatedly subjects me to off-the-wall antics.” Seriously, people would think I need to be committed, which isn’t that far from the truth.
