If The Crazy-Making Husband is your mate, in your home, every day, and every night, there's a party going on. Living room, kitchen, bedroom -- the setting doesn't matter. The party is what matters, to The Crazy-Making Husband. It's his Pity Party! That never-ending party in his head.
So don your party hat, and join him in his frenzy.
But before you do, make sure you comprehend one essential fact: the party is just for him.
Don't feel left out -- you're the main attraction. Why? He couldn't hold his Pity Party without you! As his wife, you're the sole reason he is miserable, angry, broke, withdrawn, unreliable, overburdened, contemptuous, ill-mannered, downtrodden, unfaithful, obese, nasty, resentful, disrespectful, unemployed, depressed, alcoholic and/or addicted.
Despite his many woes, at heart, The Crazy-Making Husband is a party man. And what better way to stir up and energize his persecutory thinking and feeling, than to celebrate his awful 'lot in life'? With gusto, he toasts to his marital miseries. To the unfairness of his burdens. To the deprivation, indignities and losses he sustains as your husband. What is the favorite toast of The Crazy-Making Husband? To the wounds you've inflicted, with each and every word you've ever said.
Don't worry, if you can't make it to his party. He's planned on it. That's why he constantly invites the whole world to join him.
If, however, you do attend, be prepared for a workout. There's so much you'll be doing! You'll rock and roll to the rumbles of his rage. In between dances, you'll eat Humble Pie. As his Guest Of Honor, de rigueur, from his swamping degradation, you must drink yourself silly.
While you party with The Crazy-Making Husband, be sure to forget there's a phenomenon known as The Healthy-Minded Husband. A man with healthy self-concern. A man who celebrates his wife.
And don't forget to forget that many wonderful marriages exist, in which genuine empathy for each other's sorrows routinely manifests. Marriages with mutual, selfless caring, with soothing, with sharing.
As you party, keep foremost in your mind that it's not fair to expect mature, decent, appropriate behavior from The Crazy-Making Husband.
Preposterous, you think? Well, then, see for yourself. Next time he holds a Pity Party, while he's busy spouting grievances, look inside The Crazy-Making Husband's mind. Pull apart his thorny thoughts. Brush aside his bluster. Search carefully. Maybe, just maybe, you'll find his core truth: he thinks that destroying you isn't a crime.
If you're persistent, maybe, alongside that truth, you'll also see: he just doesn't care. It's tit for tat, he reasons. You ruined his life, he'll just ruin yours.
Oh, what the heck. It's The New Year! You're his wife! His favorite dance partner! Tonight, when he gets home, join him at his Pity Party. It couldn't be more convenient. You won't have to travel. You don't need to get dressed up. Best of all, it won't cost you much. Only your sanity. Only your life.
Muffy Gibson is the author of THE CRAZY-MAKING HUSBAND: His Rules And Rationalizations, Refreshingly Refuted By Reality. For details on her upcoming e-Radio Show, and to sign up for her website blog, please visit http://www.thecrazy-makinghusband.com.