C'est La Vie

Well, as I am sure any previous readers assumed, eventually my marriage was headed for doom. I guess I just never really thought it would actually happen for real, figured neither of us would really go through with it when it came down to the nitty gritty. When you have gone through months (or years for some), of hearing that someone needs "space" or is not sure how they feel, if they even love you, and you keep the marriage going somehow, you just assume that unless the other one leaves it's never really gonna happen. 

Well, I can't say for sure what happened, because it still feels so surreal, but what I do remember is being exhausted late Sunday night, laying in bed next to my husband and being told that he needed some "space".

"WHAT?!" I yelled. I could not control myself. Just two weeks ago I was fed up with his bullshit and told him I was leaving and he had BEGGED me to stay and said anything was worth keeping his family and that his ego man issues would no longer be an issue...and they weren't for those weeks. I even thought things were looking up, which is why this came as somewhat of a surprise. Anyway, something in me just snapped. Could it be that I am 6 months pregnant with our fourth child, one that I was never planning on having (even aborting), but he decided to involve the whole family and have an intervention, after which I decided to keep the baby?

Or maybe I snapped because I went back to work full-time a month ago so he could hang out with the kids at home and try to make some money with his home-based business, you know, the one that I supported him in doing because apparently working for a boss is just "not his thing"?

Or maybe it's because on top of all of the above I am taking online college courses to finish the degree I started 7 years ago, but never completed because I supported him through going to school and getting a degree he couldn't care less for now? Hmmm, what could have possibly initiated my freak out of the idea that HE needed a break??!!!