A Nanny For the Ninny

It seemed impossible to be able to do less than zero. However, J-Fed being the overachiever that he is, has managed to accomplish just this. I guess I’d underestimated him once again.

With the onslaught of new responsibilities that have come along with having a newborn, I took it upon myself to hire a live-in nanny. Between two kids, two dogs, a full-time job, a slew of freelance opportunities and of course J-Fed, I have little time to even come up for air. So bringing in an extra set of hands seemed like the best idea to provide me some relief.

Of course, I failed to take into account that my mother has spent the last two months acting in the same capacity as a nanny. But she had done her tour of duty, and it was time for her to return to her life. Needless to say, I never did the math. Minus one, plus one still equals zero. Would there ever be any relief in sight for me?

So the nanny arrived last night and J-Fed breathed a huge sigh of relief.

“I feel so much better,” he said genuinely. “I feel like I’m not going to be under such pressure to perform around the house.”

I stared at him in disbelief. J-Fed honestly and truly believed I had brought the nanny in to ease his workload. HELLO!!!! This was the man who woke up, smoked a cigarette, drank a Frap and left for work. At 6 p.m. he’d come home from work, smoke a cigarette, drink a Frap and eat dinner. Sometimes he’d pick up the baby. Other times he’d give our 5-year-old a bath. Trying to elicit any other sort of effort was completely pointless.

He was what he was and that’s exactly what he’ll always be.

Not only did J-Fed intend to maintain his impeccable track record of nothingness, but he now planned on having an extra set of hands to help him be even lazier. Was that possible? Yes, J-Fed believed that the nanny was brought in for him.