Almost Goodbye

Mr. Excitement pressed his most tender kisses to my lips I and held myself stiff as a board, staring off over his shoulder. I wasn’t going to be won over that easily. I hadn’t seen him for weeks and on the night we were supposed to spend some quality time together he comes home drunk. I was angry and I wasn’t going to forgive him that quickly.

I thought about telling him exactly how I felt about him, but I’d already said all that. He’d been raked over the coals and he’d just sighed and gone to sleep. This morning he’d been very apologetic but again, that was all part of the routine.

It’s happened so many times before. He does something rude, selfish, thoughtless, then I yell at him and he either yells back or ignores me. I withdraw and hide within myself and he feels bad and apologizes. Eventually I’ll forgive him and it will just be a matter of time before he does something else to hurt me all over again.

Well, this time I was sick of the cycle. This time he could apologize all he wanted but I wasn’t going to forgive him. Forgiveness was just a license to hurt me and who needs that? This time I was going to be an ice queen. He could kiss me and tell me he loved me all he wanted, but he wouldn’t get me to say it back.

I dropped him off at work and refused to tell him goodbye. He called me a few hours later and told me he had grocery money waiting for me at the shop.
I needed a few things from the store so I packed Bubba up, put him in the car and drove to see him. He was waiting for me when I got there. His strong arms wrapped around me and he pulled me close.

“I love you. I’m sorry about last night. Please forgive me. I need you.” he whispered to me.