Another Brick In The Wall

Today, I’m going to talk about the things I’m grateful for. No, it’s not Thanksgiving, but it is the turkey’s birthday. Yes, J-Fed is another year older, but no more the wiser.

In honor of J-Fed’s birthday, I thought I’d celebrate by buying him a brand new $5,000 race car… NOT! Ok, so there is no way in hell I’m going to fork out the cash for a new car. That money would be far better spent on other things like a divorce. But I will take a moment to pay tribute to the good things about the Fedster. Yes there are some, even if they’re few and far between.

Now, it’s no secret I like to harp over the negative, but I’m going to show I can also reward him with laurels for the things he does right. So without further delay, I present to you “The Good Things About J-Fed.”

1. He showers.
2. He has a good flair for fashion.
3. He’s funny.
4. He’s incredibly good looking.
5. His kids love him.
6. He can burp the baby like it’s nobody’s business.
7. He’ll watch Laguna Beach with me sometimes.
8. He likes women more than men.
9. He eats my cooking.
10. Most of the time he couldn’t care less about sports.
11. He doesn’t mind changing a dirty diaper.
12. He plays a mean game of Scrabble.
13. He knows who Anna Nicole Smith and all of the other tabloid fixtures are.
14. He’s very handy around the house when he does do things.
15. He has a job.
16. He likes to spend money.
17. He’s charming.
18. He can laugh at himself.
19. He will admit when he’s wrong.
20. He has good genes.

Overall, J-Fed is a good guy. I’m sure he’ll make a great husband for someone. I hear the desperate housewives are already placing dibs in the imminent event of our demise.