Another Love Bites The Dust

Every day I'm falling a little more out of love with him. Every time he yells at me, every time he lies to me, every time he disrespects my opinion I loose a little of that spark. I love him, I want him healthy and happy but I feel like he's tearing me apart.

For a while I thought it was my fault. i was failing as a partner. No matter how I tried I couldn't make him happy. I'd try to do what he told me but he'd find one little mistake and yell about it. Sometimes I'd do it right and he'd insist that wasn't what he told me to do. If I disagreed, I was bitching. And I'd cry. I'd cry because I was giving it my all and it wasn't good enough. I'd cry because I was depressed and he didn't care. I'd cry because little by little I was dying inside. And he'd say, "Go ahead and cry. All you ever do is cry."

"You aren't yourself anymore," he said to me a few days ago. "You used to be so strong and capable. Now you're just a whiney child. You need to be back on your meds."

He was right. I'd stopped taking my medication for my bi-polar disorder about six months ago and my life has been a downward spiral ever since. I don’t even remember why I stopped. Maybe I had the delusion that I could be more normal without it. Maybe we couldn't afford it. Maybe I missed the euphoric rush of the manic state. Whatever it was, he was right. I filled my prescriptions and I've been taking them faithfully for a little over a week.

I can feel the real me coming back. I'm making schedules, making plans. I'm not running from my problems. I'm setting goals and taking steps to achieve them.

I can also see things clearer. I can see how he's been treating me. It isn't the way you should treat someone you love. I may have been a sniveling idiot but he wasn't treating me with respect.