Be Careful What You Wish For

Last night, I met the one. He could have been the future Mr. J-Fed if it wasn’t for the fact that he had eyes for my wildly attractive and successful friend who we’ll call Jenny Law. That aside, the potential mate was still charming and dashingly handsome. Yet from the moment I met him, I smelled something. At first I thought it was cologne, but I quickly realized it was dog. And this nose is rarely wrong.

That’s right, every iota of this cheeky, Kiefer Sutherland look-alike smacked of the notion that he was very likely a womanizer. As he sprinkled adulation all over my friend, I couldn’t help but to try and elicit his inner dog. I was even so bold as to ask him at one point of the conversation precisely how many women he dated on any given weekend. And like a smart man… he pleaded the fifth. Nonetheless, he was still extremely good looking and pleasant to be around. Of course, so was J-Fed and that was how I got into this mess to begin with.

Now, I’m sure that Jack Bauer 2.0 would make that special woman or women in this case very happy. And I’m sure they were all very lucky to get a small piece of him. But when Jack was busy not saving the world or working whatever 9 to 5 job he had, I’m sure it was probably quite a mission trying to juggle so many women at one time. I had no doubts that there was ever a night he spent waiting by the phone. As I studied Mr. Studly, I couldn’t help but think about J-Fed.

J-Fed might have been a dog in some respects, but in the beginning he was as loyal as they came. That’s right despite the money blowing, big-tipping asswad he’d become, there were many, many years when he didn’t even realize other women existed. This is no joke.

Whenever we would go to the mall or a concert or anywhere, I’d never see J-Fed’s head turn once. While many men I knew couldn’t help but check out an attractive gal, J-Fed was almost oblivious. In fact, the only two women who he ever spoke about being attractive were my sister in law (who J-Fed had officially deemed the most beautiful girl in the world) and my mother, Kuku, and that was when he talked of how she looked in her younger days. Talk about irony.

Anyway, it was maybe four years into our relationship before I said anything.

“How come you never look at other women? I mean, never. Even if they’re looking at you, you still don’t even notice them,” I once pointed out to J-Fed.

“Why should I? I have no interest in other women. It’s just not something I do,” he told me rationally. “Would it make you feel better if I did?”

I explained that he didn’t have to NOT ogle on my behalf. I wouldn’t be offended. I was secure in our relation ship. He was a man, and besides we were married not dead. Anyways, after a few years I’d catch him looking at a woman every now and then, but it was almost as if he did it because I made him feel like something was wrong with him if he didn’t. Kiki’s first mistake. It never occurred to me that some women might actually prefer to have a man like J-Fed, someone who acted as if they were the only person in this world.
My next mistake was telling J-Fed he didn’t have enough friends.

“You sit around the house and don’t talk to anyone. You’re like a hermit. Why don’t you get out there and do something? Make some friends,” I suggested. It was true. He didn’t really have anyone else, and when he got bored, he tended to make me miserable. I thought it would be a good idea for him to find companionship with others. Of course, I had overlooked the fact that having grown up around women his entire life, J-Fed was more inclined to find friendship with females.

And so began the downward spiral of our marriage. The king of extremes found a whole slew of friends, each and every one would eventually move higher up on the food chain than myself. It wasn’t long before he was constantly on the phone with one or the other, flirting, smiling, laughing, taking his long conversations into the other room. All I know is they quickly replaced me in his heart, even if it was purely platonic. He soon began to enjoy their company more than mine – on Fridays, on Saturdays, even on our five-year anniversary.

Like they always say be careful what you wish for. I wanted J-Fed to realize that other women existed… and he did. I wanted J-Fed to make friends… and he did. Too bad, in the end it became a major point of contention between the two of us. It didn’t matter which one of his harem he was putting on a pedestal; all that mattered was that it wasn’t me.

So, on this Good Friday, remember to be careful what you wish for. On a side note, I still don’t think there was anything wrong with me wishing that Jack Bauer would have ignored his attraction for my friend and took me back to his place where we could have saved the world together.