Business As Usual

People say the darndest things, especially my ex-husband.

Apparently, he doesn't like the silent treatment. When he first caught on to the fact that I would no longer speak to him, he was livid. I mean, if I wouldn't take his calls, how in God's name would he ever be able to torment me? Let's be honest. This isn't paranoia -- this is reality.

The Fedster got off on making me as miserable as humanly possible. Some men liked football. Others enjoyed hunting. J-Fed's sport of choice was torture. He couldn't pull out my teeth or rip out my fingernails, but the emotional turmoil he subjected me to was worse than the physical possibilities.

But two can play at that game. You see, the Fedster can't stand not being able to call upon me at his whim. After all, his list of victims is short, as in it's just me. Despite the fact that we're divorced and he's already got another woman, he feeds off of the sick relationship that we "had," and I'm emphasizing the past tense here.

What's so ironic is that during our last phone call he could not stress enough how done he was with me, how much he wanted me out of his life. And then when I give it to him, he loses his you know what. It's as much a mystery as the Bermuda triangle, crop circles and why Britney Spears can't stay away from gas stations.

Once I cut him off, the calls kept flowing in. He even left me a message requesting "one last call" to work out the permanent visitation schedule. Um, we've been divorced nine months, I think we know the schedule by now. The fact of the matter is that in that one last conversation the weasel wanted to suck me back in. Too bad I was more the wiser. It took 10 years but I finally nailed his game-less plan.

He'd likely tell people he feels guilty for hurting me and that's why he's trying to make amends. But we all know, in order to feel guilt, you must have a soul, a heart and a conscience. Last time I checked, he had none of the above. And was certain they couldn't be ordered on Amazon.com.