Bye Bye Loneliness, Hello Love

My husband is missing. He’s been gone for more than 24 hours. I don’t know what’s happened to him or where he’s gone. I only know one thing… I don’t want him back. No, I want the man not boy who’s assumed his body to stick around forever. I could never be so lucky.

Honestly, it all happened so suddenly. J-Fed disappeared right before my eyes and Jake returned. That man, the one I fell in love with eight years ago, he returned. All of this time I was certain he was dead, buried, long gone. But I was wrong. Jake had been resurrected and replaced that sad, lazy sack who’d taken over my husband’s body.

Unlike J-Fed, Jake could actually see past himself. For the first time in a long time, everything wasn’t all about him. No, he was the man that all the women on our block wanted for their own. And I could understand why. He was my equal, my partner, my other half.

Now, the details are sketchy. I mean, just last week we were preparing to cut the divorce lawyer a check not that we didn’t go through this drill every three months. It wasn’t more than four days ago that most of our friends were placing bets on our imminent split – 2 to 1 in favor of the demise of J-Fed and Kiki.

But then the tables turned. The tides that been ebbing were not flowing.

“Make a list of things for me to do. I’m off of work today, and I’ll do whatever you want,” as the words rolled off his tongue my eyes darted wildly in search of a harp or an angel. Had I died and gone to heaven?

With no time to spare, I drafted a quick “honey do” list as if it were my last will and testament. Finish painting the wall that had been damaged for two years. Clean out the garage so it no longer resembled a war zone. Fill the propane tank so that we no longer had to go over to the neighbor’s to grill our steaks every night. Repair the toilet seats so our 5-year-old stopped falling off the john every time she peed.