Check out my EX's dating site bio

I just discovered my EX is on the same Internet dating site that I'm on. 

I've decided to display his description and debunk it.  This guy uses a lot of parantheses so my comments will be in brackets in all caps, bold and a lot funnier.

Call me a freak (I prefer Renaissance Man)  [HE'S A RENAISSANCE MAN LIKE GEORGE BUSH IS A MEMBER OF MENSA.]  but I like sports and the arts. [WOW - HE IS SO WELL ROUNDED!]      I appreciate walking on the beach at sunset [HE'LL BE THE ONE IN THE BIG BAGGY SHORTS HOLDING THE METAL DETECTOR] and competitive tennis. [HE PLAYED SO MUCH TENNIS, I USED TO FANTASIZE ABOUT CUTTING HIS RAQUET STRINGS WITH MY CUTICLE SCISSORS.] I get emotional at a play [HANKY PLEASE...] and watching my football team pull off the upset of the year at the Rose Bowl last December (extra points if you know what game I'm talking about). [I HOPE USC KICKS YOUR TEAM'S ASS THIS YEAR.] So this is me: political (George Bush WPE, worst president ever-also must watch the Daily Show to keep sanity), [I TURNED HIM ON TO THE DAILY SHOW] athletic (love to play tennis, but you don’t have to,) [THE HELL YOU DON'T.  BECAUSE YOU'LL NEVER SEE HIM OTHERWISE] although it would be great if you had some physical activity you were passionate about), [LIKE SEX, MAYBE...HMMM?]  family oriented (11 year old daughter is my priority, would be nice to find someone whose kids live with them), [SO YOU CAN BABYSIT HIS KID WHILE HE PLAYS TENNIS] nice guy [IF YOU THINK BEING CLUELESS, DISTANT AND SELFISH IS NICE] (considerate to a fault, [HE IS SO MODEST] understanding, easy going-what’s not to like?-[PLENTY] I even like grocery shopping and doing the dishes), [ALTHOUGH HE'LL HOLD THAT OVER YOUR HEAD FOR YEARS] good sense of humor [IF YOU THINK A TRAINWRECK'S FUNNY. ]  (you all say you want the guy to make you laugh, so meet me, the worst that could happen is that you’ll have a few laughs) [HE'S BEGGING NOW.  AND BY THE WAY, IF HE'S SO FUNNY, HOW COME THIS BIO READS LIKE AN OBITUARY?], tall (it's better than short), [BOY DOES THAT SOUND INSECURE] fit (don’t let the grey hair fool you), [FRANKLY IT'S THE BALD HEAD THAT HAS ME WORRIED.] passionate (not afraid to show this side of me), [YOU'RE NOT AFRAID - YOU'RE PETRIFIED] love great food (nuff said), [DID HE JUST SAY NUFF SAID???]  adventuresome (love to travel, [YEAH WHILE YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND STAYS HOME AND WORKS.] experience new things [SINCE WHEN? THIS GUY IS THE RUTMASTER GENERAL] and river raft), OK, I’m sure you’re tired of the parenthesis. [IT'S AS MONOTONOUS AS YOUR SEXUAL TECHNIQUE.]  More things: [PLEASE STOP.]  I believe in social justice. I’m environmentally conscious.  I’m a people person. [HE JUST LOVES PEOPLE!] I believe in honesty and being straightforward [UNLESS IT'S SOMETHING REALLY IMPORTANT LIKE TELLING SOMEONE HE DOESN'T LOVE THEM ANYMORE AND THEN HE'S LIKELY TO SIT ON THAT FOR 10 YEARS]  ; so if you don’t want to meet me, please have the common courtesy to email back [THAT SOUNDS A BIT HOSTILE] and say no thanks, I won’t take it personally [OH YES YOU WILL] and you will have my respect. [WHO THE HELL WANTS IT?] I think physical chemistry is really important-[YEAH IT'S REALLY EASY TO DETECT PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY WHEN YOU'RE ONLINE.] being straightforward and honest here. We’re all looking for the right person. I hope you’ve worked out all your issues so you will appreciate someone who treats you well. [I LOVE PEOPLE WHO ARE SO SCREWED UP THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO DEMAND SANITY FROM EVERYONE ELSE.]  I’m not perfect [AMEN TO THAT, BROTHER]  but parts of me are good. [THEY COME WITH A VERY LIMITED WARRANTY HOWEVER] I’m hoping to find someone who likes the parts. [I THINK WE ALL KNOW WHICH PART YOU'RE REFERRING TO] Thanks for taking the time to read this.  [AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR...]