Crap with a Capital C
The Ex Files
Friday I had knee surgery. What was supposed to be a minor operation has turned out to be a major ordeal with major implications for the next month or two. This was supposed to be a great year. Ha! I just love it when Fate fucks with me.
What happened was, I took a 4x6mm divot out of the bone under my knee cap. How the hell did I do that you might ask? I was taking a walk in my neighborhood, looking at my iPod trying to find a song to walk to, when a fire hydrant came out of nowhere and crashed into my knee, throwing me to sidewalk. As I writhed in pain on the ground, I thought how hilarious I must of looked doing a Dick Van Dyke pratfall. Being the macho jock that I am, I picked myself up and continued my half hour walk. The next night, I played softball, getting two outs and two runs, running bases like I was 18 instead of 53. The next day at softball practice, my knee finally gave out and crumpled.
The doc thought initially I had torn some cartilage, but once he got in there, he noticed the big chunk of bone missing. He wasn't prepared to do a bone graft, so he did the best he could to build up the bone and got out. Before the anesthetic, I thought I'd be on crutches for two weeks, I'd be able to drive and I'd be as good as new in no time. The reality now is I'm on crutches for 4-6 weeks. I can't put any weight on my right foot. I can't drive. I can't be my daughter's assistant softball coach. We can't take our New York trip in April. And I'm going to have to get a wheelchair, because I can't haul my ass around on crutches for more than a month. (Although it does give you great muscle definition in your arms.) And I must rely on the kindness of strangers to help me get groceries, my hair done,and get my daughter to school.
The doc said I might have to get a second surgery to graft bone in the void I made. I want that about as much as I want a lobotomy, because that would be two months in a wheel chair...
