Don't Believe The Hype

Guess what? You’re not disgusting, unlovable, boring, frigid, stupid, incapable, ugly, wimpy, mean, weak, or unlikable. These are some of the words I’ve seen people use to describe themselves the message boards here. I have all the compassion in the world for these women because I still struggle with those feelings, too. I think it’s hard for people to understand what a beating your self-esteem takes when you’re stuck in a marriage where you’re emotionally, verbally, or (God forbid) physically abused. 

I’m out of my first, VERY unhealthy marriage. And thank goodness I got out when I did, or I don’t know what would be left of my mental health. I still think about the things my ex said and did and they continue to affect me to this day. Sure, counseling, journaling, and meditation help, but it’s hard to forget everything and set your head straight again after you put up with shenanigans for over a decade. The accusations of me being completely unsexy, boring, cold, and mean still float through my head from time to time.

The best thing you can do for yourself is leave a marriage or relationship where you’re being mistreated. As always, I don’t advocate running out the door without giving the marriage some serious effort first. But I think we all know, in our heart of hearts, when it’s over. Can you really stand living like this year after year? Can you imagine what your life will be like in 20 years? What will be left of you?
 
Even if the situation seems impossible, start making a plan to get out. It might take you longer than you’d like, but if you start with a plan, you’ll feel empowered. You’ll realize you’re not weak, stupid, ugly, unworthy, or incapable. Those are all lies perpetuated to make you feel small and keep you trapped. You haven’t lost yourself. You’re still there; you just need to dust off your old self and move forward.