Easy Like Sunday Morning

It's funny how things can change in an instant. You can be going along through life, spinning wildly in all sorts of directions. Then suddenly something slams into you out of nowhere. You're no longer careening but instead placed on the path of the straight and narrow. I guess that's pretty much how it went down with me.

For the last year, I had been skating through life on thin ice, still trying to understand exactly how my marriage fell apart and how J-Fed was able to so easily walk away from the life we had together. Overcome with emotion, I knew that with one wrong step I could easily slip into a dark hole and drown.

How had it all fallen apart? I asked myself that question over and over and over. I mean, it had been bad for along time, but even with my low tolerance for pain, I had been determined to make it work. As much as I believed a divorce was an inevitable, I was still willing to give it the old college try. He, however, was not.

So for months I was in this limbo, caught between hell and whatever is possibly worse than hell. I fixated on the dynamic between J-Fed and T.O.W. (the other woman) and desperately tried to figure out if their "friendship" led to the final demise of my marriage. All signs pointed to yes. Even the magic eight ball told me so. What I failed to take into account was the fact that no matter what finally sunk the ship, it wasn't going to resurface. Done. Kaput. Finito. Down to the bottom of the ocean, never to be seen again.

And then Mr. Ex surfaced and things took an interesting turn. I no longer cared if J-Fed were happy; I cared if I was happy. And I was determined to make myself happy. I had been stuck in the muck for far too long. That's when I started noticing a change in myself. I was smiling... alot. I was laughing... alot. I was at peace... alot. I didn't think about today, tomorrow or a year from now. I learned how to "just be." I started enjoying the moment, what was happening at that very instant.