Every Now & Then

J-Fed is an idiot, and he proves it to me over and over. It’s not just in the things he does, it’s in the things he says. It’s as if he’s in his own little world where no one else matters but J-Fed. I want to smack him upside the head with a cast iron frying pan and put me out of my misery.

“If I had gotten five numbers instead of three numbers in last night’s lotto drawing, I would be $148,000 richer,” says J-Fed.

Yes J-Fed, and if I had bigger boobs, a prettier face, longer legs and liked to screw random men in front of a camera, I’d be Jenna Jameson.

Ok, so maybe that’s a weak example. Here’s a better one. This morning, he decides to acknowledge the dogs. Pretty much at this point, it’s safe to say they hate him. Since he moved out almost two months ago, he’s spent little time with them. Ok, there was that Saturday when he decided to play pet-owner of the year and dragged them to the dog park in 90 degree weather.

Then he let the little one, by little I mean the one that weighs 70 pounds, swim out in a lake. This wouldn’t be a problem except that neither the little one nor the big one know how to swim. About 100 feet out, the little one realizes he has no aquatic abilities and starts to drown. Lame brain then strips down to his boxers in the middle of the dog park, unaware of the fact that the man in the stand is in fact a lifeguard, and dives into the murky lake to save “our” dog.

Ever since then, their relationship has been on the rocks. It appears they’ve lost that lovin’ feeling for J-Fed, the traitorous twit who moved out and left them to be the men of the house. Anyways, he starts scratching the dog on his head and digs a bit of crud out of this unobtrusive spot. J-Fed narrows his eyes and looks at me as if he just discovered I had a meth lab hidden in our daughter’s nursery.

“You know, every now and then you should take a moment to get this crud off of his head,” he says.

You know, every now and then J-Fed, you should realize that you decided the single life was WAY more appealing than taking care of the household you helped create. Every now and then, I’d like to have five minutes where I’m not taking care of one or both kids. Every now and then, I’d like for you to take the kids to the doctor or the dogs to the vet. Every now and then, you should feed and water the cat you adopted two weeks before you moved out. Every now and then, you should remember that although you no longer live here, these are still YOUR responsibilities as well as mine.

I could go on about the many STUPID things J-Fed says, but instead I’ll just quote some of the smartest words ever spoken.

Rhett: No, I'm through with everything here. I want peace. I want to see if somewhere there isn't something left in life of charm and grace. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Scarlett: No. I only know that I love you.

Rhett: That's your misfortune

Scarlett asks: "Rhett, if you go, where shall I go? What shall I do?"

Rhett: Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!