Ew De Toilet

Ok, sometimes I can’t believe that I actually have two children. Why? Because it seems like I’m almost as irresponsible as I was a kid. In fact, I’m much of the same person I was in high school, although I have a great deal more on my plate. Yet just because I purport to be a professional adult, tis not really the case.

Really though. It’s not my fault. It’s the puppy’s. Twice last week I locked myself out of the house in the middle of the night all, in the name of dog duty. Last night I had another big brainfart. It was about 3:30 a.m. when the dog was whining miserably from his crate. I went out to make sure he was okay, only to find him sitting knee deep in poop and piss. It’s important to point out this was the second night in a row that he had done this. The previous night, I was on my hands in knees cleaning up the mess, and then had to give him a bath… in the middle of the night no less.

So it was the same time, same place. I stared at him and cursed. Exhausted from sleep deprivation, I grabbed a handful of paper towels and scooped up the mess. As I looked down at the load of crap in my hand, I realized I couldn’t put it in the trash without the whole house smelling like dog do. My other option was to carry it to the garbage outside. But when I glanced at the clock and remembered what time it was, my brain apparently shut down. 

I went directly to the bathroom. I didn’t pass go. I didn’t collect $200. What I did do was flush the paper-towel wrapped poop right down the crapper. I washed my hands, crawled back into bed and fell back into a deep undisturbed sleep… at least until the baby started crying at 5:30 for a bottle.

Fast forward to the next morning. The kids are off to school and I’m dragging ass due to the fact I’ve gotten the bare minimum of sleep. I go to use the bathroom when suddenly it backs up. Water starts rising fast. Oh. Crap. No pun intended.