Ex-centric

My ex always commented about how “crazy” I was. Sure, I have my issues. Who doesn’t? While I was folding the laundry today, it reminded me of some of my ex’s eccentricities that I’m happy to share with you.

First, the ex always said to NEVER use fabric softener on his clothing. Why? He explained it made his clothing, “stick to his body.” Even if I didn’t use fabric softener, he would yelp and holler that I had.

Second, one could never, ever allow there to be a damp spot of the floor. Not from a dropped ice cube, from washing dishes, or from melted snow. If ex ever stepped in something wet on the floor, he would start screaming and cursing. He explained that when he was young, their family dog would pee on the floor. No one would clean it, so he frequently stepped in it with his socks on, traumatizing him. I explained we didn’t have a dog, it was only water, but he would still carry on like a wildman. Normally, he’d be so upset about this, he’d need to, “go out with friends,” to relax.

Third, ex was extremely paranoid about food handling and food temperature. If a chicken breast was grilled to less than 250 degrees, he was convinced he’d die of food poisoning. He never believed me when I checked the temperature with the food thermometer, so he’d always double and triple check. If the food wasn’t charred black, it wasn’t safe. With cold food (dips, etc), the food could only be out on the table for a few minutes before it was deemed unsafe and had to be returned to the fridge. At my mother’s house one Christmas, I felt like a whirling dervish, returning items to the fridge, taking them back out, returning them…at one point, my father dissolved into peals of laughter over the situation.

Fourth, if the temperature rose to above 60 degrees outside, the house had to be completely closed down and the air conditioner had to be run on high. If a window was open a crack from March to November, ex would claim it was humid in the house and his, “lungs felt full.” An open window was cause for extreme fits of anger.

And lastly, no one, but no one was to touch his pile of papers on the kitchen counter. It didn’t matter if it reached three feet high. He was always in the process of, “getting around to going through it….today.” But “today” never came. If I took one scrap of paper from the pile, he accused me of meddling with his affairs, and THAT was the reason why he paid all of his bills late.

So yes, I had some issues, but man, ex sure had some, too!