Fun Things To Do With A Semi-Conscious Ass

I am now divorced, but for the last two years of my marriage I had a spouse who was slowly declining into a deep addiction to several drugs and alcohol.  All of this was under the premise of a severe back injury from a car accident and wear and tear from jumping from planes in Basic Training for the Army. 

This was all a cover for the many "Illegal" substances that he "enhanced" his prescription meds with.  This was all mostly put on because he now has no issue getting freaky with 20-somethings and playing like he is a teen… AMAZING RECOVERY.
 
Anyway, while he was in his semi-conscious state I had a repeteroire that I stuck to to help me get through.. He would nod from conscious to unconscious for days at a time.  He always "waited" for me to get home Friday night before he took the "strong medicine the Dr. gave me.”  That way, I could watch the kids while he was high all weekend. NICE
 
1.  Grape "basketball".  I used to "share" grapes w/ my darling ex.  As he was nodding from conscious to unconscious I would eat a grape and throw one at his mouth to see if I could "make a basket.”  This would entertain me for at least an hour each time I played.  I'm pretty competitive so I would have to improve my "score" each time I played.  A few times he "woke" up, found grapes all over him and would eat a few and then nod off again.  He never noticed I was even there.
 
2.  Toddler musical.  I would encourage our kids to "play" songs for Daddy with their drums, harmonica, etc.  The louder, the better.  It is so hard to enjoy a good high with really loud kids around.
 
3.  Princess Daddy. I would let the 6-year-old style Daddy's hair and put makeup on him.  He would never wake up completely -- he seemed to enjoy the hairbrushing.   He was a 6'4" Barbie Styling Head, and he didn't even know it.  Once we did a really nice hair style with lots of butterfly clips and lip gloss.  I think I lost the pics in the divorce, but somewhere, they are somewhere. I will find them. 
 
4.  Dog Fart Receptor. Our late dog Jake had a sensitive stomach.  Sometimes the kids would give him spicy food, and he had the WORST dog farts ever.  He was well-trained and would stay if I told him to for hours on end.  If he had particualry bad gas, I would invite him into ex's lap for a nice long farting session.  There is nothing funnier than watching the semi-conscious, former love of my life wrinkle his nose, gag, but not be able to push the 70+lb dog off of him due to his extremely high/drugged state. 
 
I've confessed these to my psychologist and I'm not proud, but I still laugh until I cry when I talk about it.  My psychologist says that I need to still work on my "threshold" for normal....whatever that is.