G.I. Jerk: Knowing Is Half The Battle

Kids say the darndest things… and so does J-Fed.

It always amazes me the things that come out of J-Fed’s mouth. There are times that he leaves me completely speechless. Tonight was one of those nights. As we rehashed the same old fight about household duties, J-Fed informed me that I knew what I was getting into when I married him.

“When we met, I told you I wanted a woman who would do wifely things,” he said.

“Wifely things? What in the hell are wifely things?” I asked incredulously.

“Oh, you know – laundry, dishes, cooking. Wifely things, the things a wife is supposed to do,” he explained.

I tried not to laugh. In all my life, I had no idea that there were certain duties that you assumed once you became a wife. And I most certainly didn’t remember him ever telling me that his special someone had to be well-rounded in the area of servitude.

“I understand that’s what you had in mind for a wife. However, doesn’t it account for something that I go above and beyond in other ways… like providing for the family financially?” I said.

“Honey, Eve bit the apple. Blame her. As a wife, you are responsible for a number of things. Now go in there scrub those floors and not another word until you’ve finished…”

OK, so he didn’t really say that last part but he might as well have. Poor J-Fed was so disillusioned. Hadn’t he heard of women’s liberation? Didn’t he know we had gotten equal rights decades ago? Obviously not. Needless to say, the members of NOW would likely burn J-Fed at the stake if word of his chauvinistic attitude ever got out. He was a closet pig – looking at him I could almost picture his snout.