Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?
The World According To Kiki & J-Fed
Big Meanie is my daughter’s favorite new insult. She’s frequently calling me a Big Meanie for a variety of reasons – not letting her stay up late, forbidding her from eating raw cookie dough for breakfast, refusing to purchase a new pony for her. After being called a Big Meanie for the hundredth time, it dawned on me that the name was much more appropriate for the Big –and only – Meanie I know… J-Fed.
I’ve always thought him to be a bit on the mean side. Of course, I’m sure he’s always thought the same thing about me. That’s what couples do when they get divorced – they pick apart the other person. It was only following the “restraining order” incident that I decided to coin daughter’s new phrase just for him.
Since he threatened to file said restraining order on me for my verbal insults (which he not only incited but reciprocated), I felt it would be in MY best interest to start exchanging the kids in a public place where there would be plenty of witnesses. God forbid, he accused lil’ ole me (all 5’3, 111 pounds) of assaulting him (6’4, 200 pounds -- 210 when he's back on the Fruit Loops and Lucky Charms).
It had been less than eight hours since the whole blowout between the two of us. Aware that I was going to a concert that night, he sent me a text and asked if he could take both kids who were originally supposed to stay with my mother for the night. Although I thought it seemed a bit weird since he hadn’t mentioned it earlier, I agreed. I sent him a text message requesting that he meet me in the McDonald’s parking lot halfway between my house and his apartment.
He sent a quick reply saying that he’d prefer I meet him at the grocery store. I wanted to point out that this wasn’t Burger King, and I wasn’t put on this planet to do it his way. However, he had put the fear of God in me with that whole restraining order threat. Ok, so maybe it was the fact that I didn’t have the energy to argue with him and I couldn’t have cared less if we met on Pluto, Uranus (LOL) or Mars, which is where I was pretty certain he was from.
