Hello Operator! Please Give Me Number 9

I had seen the number on my caller ID a few times as of late. So it should have been no surprise when I picked up the phone and heard her voice on the other end. She asked for me by name, and I confirmed that it was indeed me. I was going to have to bite the bullet at some time or another… it might as well be now.

“We see that you’ve had 92 matches in the short time you’ve joined us. Congratulations! That’s a great start. How’s it going so far?” the representative from the online dating service chirped merrily. Personally, after being rejected four straight times, I didn’t see what there was to be so happy about… and that’s what I proceeded to tell her. Little did she know what she had in store.

“It’s not going so well actually,” I told her matter-of-factly.

“How so?” she responded.

“Well, let’s see. The last four guys I have shown my photo to have shot me down instantly. That’s not really so good on the old self esteem, ya know?” I told her. She laughed. I kid you not. She LAUGHED, as if I had cracked some funny joke. She then proceeded to clear her throat to cover it up. 

“I’m looking at your account right now, and I see that you have spots for more pictures. Perhaps that would help,” she suggested.

“Um, if they don’t like the first picture, what makes you think they’re going to want to see even more? Obviously there is something wrong,” I shot back defensively.

“I don’t think that’s the case,” she assured me.

“Do you think I’m cute? Would you cut off communication with me after seeing my picture?” I accosted her. I could almost hear her suck in her breath over the phone. I imagined her frantically searching through the printed script to find a canned response to such a question. Then I wondered if anyone had ever been so brash as to ask such a question before.