Here, But Not Here

“I’m here but I’m not here,” he explains as he scrambles to assume the position in the garage.

Tell me something I don’t know J-Fed. Sadly enough, these words came right from the horse’s mouth or is that the ass’ mouth. J-Fed believes that it’s possible to be in the house without “being here.” Don’t quite understand what he's getting at?

Let me translate. Being here, but not being here means this. It means if Baby #1 needs her diaper changed he’s “not here,” even as he sits in the garage cigarette in one hand, monkey wrench in the other. If the dogs need to be fed, he’s not here, despite the fact he’s in the garage surfing eBay for car parts. If the trash needs to be taken out, you guessed it “not here.” Oh to be J-Fed and have the ability to be “here but not here.”

I'm surprised he doesn't hang a Do Not Disturb sign from his... nose. 

When it’s time to drive our daughter to school, I’d love to be “here but not here.” When the dogs puke on the floor, I’d love to be “here but not here.” When the baby needs to be fed and burped at 2 a.m., yep, “here but not here.” Yes, the places I could go with “here but not here.”

I’m not sure where J-Fed got the notion that it’s possible to be here but not here when there is a household to run, two kids and two dogs to are for, but I’d like to adopt the same principle and let him get a flavor of what it would be like for ME to be “here but not here.”

When he’s hungry for dinner, here but not here.
The laundry needs to be done… here but not here.
Bills need to be paid? Here but not here.