His Mind Was In The Gutters

So it’s been almost a week with no J-Fed, and needless to say I’ve been drowning my sorrows in Chunky Monkey ice cream while playing Fire & Rain repeatedly. OK, so maybe that’s a bold-faced lie. In reality, it’s been like a vacation for both of us. J-Fed in one motel, me and the girls in another. I guess the only ones who really suffered were the Hounds of Basketcaseville who’ve been at the kennel.

Now, maybe I woke up on the right side of the bed, but I felt it necessary to detail exactly what J-Fed did do and didn’t do while we were out of town. The findings are simply shocking…

1. He didn’t leave his laundry around
2. He didn’t leave dishes in the sink
3. He didn’t leave Frappuccino bottles everywhere
4. He didn’t leave wet towels on the floor
5. He didn’t piss in the armoire.

Of course he may have done each and every one of these things at the Splitsville Suites, but I’ll never know about it. It didn’t matter how messy or how lazy he was over the last seven days because it didn’t have a bit of effect on me. He was happy as a pig in well, poop, at his new home away from home.

Anyways, what he did do around our house is even more surprising.

1. He did install high-end lights into my home office
2. He did hang new gutters around the house
3. He did fix the cable in our daughter’s room so she could watch television
4. He did mount the toilet paper holder that had fallen off the wall.
5. He did fog the house for anything creepy and crawly

For someone who’d been given the boot, he did a whole helluva a lot. In fact, he did more in two days than he’d done in six months, and he did it ON HIS OWN. The best part, once he had finished all of his handywork, he crawled back to the hotel, motel and watched a marathon of Poker Superstars while feasting on a frozen burrito from 7-Eleven. It was like he had been here but not here.

J-Fed, here’s a toast to you and your new life…