Hold Your Friends Close...
The World According To Kiki & J-Fed
And your enemies closer! If I've learned anything in my lifetime, that would be it.
There must be something in the water. Really.
Things had been quiet lately... too quiet. The more time I spent away from my house, the better I had begun to feel. It was almost as if I could breathe again. I no longer dwelled on J-Fed or the other woman. I no longer had to wonder what the two of them were doing at night. I no longer got into scathing arguments with J-Fed over why he left me and why he spends so much damn time with her.
I was moving on. The funny thing with escaping your misery is that nobody wants you too. They want you to suffer. They want you to baste in anguish like a turkey in butter. And by "they." I don't mean society as a whole, I mean J-Fed and T.O.W. (the other woman). Okay, maybe I'm being paranoid and having a Britney-esque moment. But shave my head bald and take away my underwear if I'm wrong.
It was Sunday morning at 2:20 a.m. when I received the text message. Lucky for me, I was busy doing the nasty and engaging in hour-long tantric sex with Mr. Ex. Okay, so really I was sleeping soundly with baby in my parent's spare room and daughter in the other room. I never heard the phone ring and that's probably a good thing. By the light of the moon, I turn into a monster, fangs, claws and all, especially when it comes to T.O.W.
But in true fashion, she socked me a virtual sucker punch and tried to get me when I wasn't looking... literally.
The text message went something like this...
From: T.O.W.
2:20 a.m.
So ur not so worry about ur ex getting on with me worry about ur so called best friends like XXXX and XXXX...
When I awoke the next morning to find the message on my phone, I was filled with shock and awe. My heart palpatated. I couldn't catch my breath. I trembled with fear, and I considered hiring a team of security to protect me from the big, bad T.O.W. Ok, so I really burst out laughing and tried not to piss myself. After all of the months of me dragging homegirl through the mud, she's finally decided to grow a set and make what I perceived to be an attack on me. Obviously, the plan backfired.
