Holding Pattern

I have a needlepoint project I started back in December 2002 which is only half done.  It’s not a complicated pattern; I just haven’t finished it.  I pick it up every few weeks and work on it for awhile, but it gets put aside whenever I get busy or other things come up.  It’s low on my priority list so if the kids need to be shuttled to activities, I have a big project at work or the laundry starts spilling into the hall, I naturally do those things first.

This is the chink in my armor; one of my biggest issues -- if I start a project and don’t consider it a priority, it takes forever to finish it.  Completing it is not the problem, but the timeframe is anyone’s guess.  I WILL eventually finish that needlepoint, even if I’m a senior citizen when I do, but I won’t be hanging it on my wall anytime in the near future.

Momentum is my friend.  I need it.  When I get started on a project I’m gung ho to get it done because I know the consequences if something more important comes along and distracts me.  It has to remain a priority for me to keep up with it and invest the time to get it done.

The last few months I’ve been working hard toward a goal to get myself financially stable, pay off shared debt and prepare for a separate life from Mr. Hyde.  Every whacked out argument when he stomped around screaming at me and my kids just fueled my efforts -- it kept me motivated.  I daydreamed of not having to deal with constant verbal attacks, of being able to spend quiet evenings at home with my kids in a drama-free home and of having enough confidence in myself to do all this alone.

Now all of the drama has stopped and Mr. Hyde is being playful, flirty and fun.  Gone are the nasty fights and assassinations of my character.  Now he’s hugging me, giving me loving kisses and tickling me until my stomach aches from laughing.  My preparations have ground to a halt because now I feel guilty.