I Had No Idea!

“I had no idea she was so unhappy!” are often the first words out of a husband’s mouth when his wife files for divorce. I’m sure there are some women out there who just dump the idea of a divorce onto their unsuspecting husband’s laps without a word of warning or a moment of discussion. But those women are in the VAST minority. I don’t personally know a single woman that didn’t beg, plead, go to counseling, and try to fix her marriage for YEARS before filing for divorce.

Then why do men only wake up once they’ve been slapped with a court summons for divorce? I went though this with my ex. I filed for divorce from him TWICE. The first time, I decided to give the marriage a second chance, stupidly. The second time, he STILL claimed he didn’t know I was THAT unhappy. Keep in mind, this was the man that couldn’t make it to marital counseling because he had poker, golf, dinner, and movie dates every night with his friends.

Suddenly, magically, as soon as he received the divorce papers, he found time for counseling! By then it was too late. I’d gone through twelve years of unhappiness; I’d given the man chance after chance. I just couldn’t do it any longer. I asked my therapist about this phenomenon – the fact them men don’t understand their marriages are in trouble until the divorce papers are thrust into their hands. She sighed.

“This happens ALL the time,” she commented. “I counsel four of five couples a week where the men were basically absent partners, but they come rushing in for counseling once their wife files for divorce. It’s usually too late by then.” “Why do you think that is?” I asked.  She answered, “Men and women think very differently about relationships. For the most part, men are content with sex, a wife who will take care of the kids, and someone to hang around with occasionally. Women want an equal partner, a husband who’s invested in family life. Wives want time, attention, and affection. It’s really not a tall order, but many men seem to have a very hard time delivering.”