I may be a heartless bitch

I’ve been in a great relationship for almost 8 years now. Everyone who sees us together says what a great couple we are. We just seem to mesh. We balance each other really well. And he still turns my crank (if you know what I mean, and I think you do).

But you know what? If he started showing interest in some other woman, I wouldn’t fight for him. I’d simply let him go.

Does that mean I have no feelings for him? Not at all.  It just means I have feelings for me. I think he’s got a helluva thing going with me, and I can’t understand why on earth he’d want to give it up. He’d be a fool.

I respect him. Make time for him. Take care of him. Look after his needs. I let him be himself. I also trust him. I genuinely enjoy being with him.  And I think we really understand how to make “us” work. I mean so far…But more than anything through this time we’ve been together, I’ve learned what I need to make me work.

When I was married before (and before that), I thought what I needed was a husband. I thought I needed that sort of validation, and I was only “half” when I was by myself.

What a load of crap that was.

During the past 10 or so years since my marriage ended, I’ve learned that I am very much whole. And very much capable of taking care of my own happiness. I don’t need a man in my life. I want one. The two are very different. The other thing I learned is I’m a pretty nifty package, all things considered, and I think a guy would be an idiot to walk away from it.

Lots of times I hear gals say things like, “I can’t believe he left ME for her” or “WHY doesn’t he want me?”  Maybe it isn’t about you. Maybe he’s just a JERK!

We all spend hours and hours picking at our relationships over and over, trying to figure out what we did wrong to make the relationship implode. Maybe the only thing you did wrong was fall for the turd in the first place. You can’t do anything about that now, but you CAN learn how to move on.

The most important thing you can do is understand you too are a helluva package. As soon as you can grab hold of your own confidence, and take responsibility for your own happiness, your life will improve immeasurably.

When you go into a relationship knowing you have something wonderful to offer, you are in a position of emotional strength. I’m not saying that means you don’t have to work on it, or care about the other person’s feelings. All I’m saying is, instead of worrying about what if it should end, you can concentrate on how to keep it going.

I guess because I’ve been divorced, and seen so many other marriages and relationships end, I’m fairly jaded about the whole process. I’ve stopped focusing so much on “happily ever after” and instead work hard on the here and now. Am I fully present? Am I listening and also communicating honestly? Am I treating my partner with love and respect? And am I getting the same in return? If that’s ever not the case, I really don’t want to continue on. Why should I? Why should he?

I’ve been systematically working on removing negative energy from my life over the past few years. It’s really much healthier that way. Right now, there’s a lot of positive energy in my relationship. I’m doing my darndest to keep it that way. But the day it changes, I will be very willing to let the negative energy out the door and change the locks behind it.

And you should do the same.