It's Not The Same

Things change.  Sometimes that’s good and sometimes it isn’t.  Mr. Hyde does not like change…he fights it like a heavy weight champion.  And when he’s forced to change, he does it kicking and screaming all the way.  

Our fights are nasty and dramatic because that’s the way Mr. Hyde has always fought.  Screaming and yelling in front of the kids, things being thrown and even occasional shoving matches filled his former marriage. 

When we first met, him and his ex were in the process of the divorce so when I heard tales of his ex jumping on his back and hitting him, shouting matches in front of the neighbors, throwing themselves in front of doors or grabbing each other so they wouldn’t leave the house, I figured it was because of the strong emotions created by the divorce process.  That was the stuff you see in bad TV movies or how the crazy neighbors down the street fight.

Within days of marrying Mr. Hyde and moving three states away from friends, family and support, I realized this type of fighting wasn’t just a by-product of a messy divorce, he considered it NORMAL behavior.  High running, extreme emotions were common for Mr. Hyde.  I told him things had to change -- I could not live with that type of fighting.  It’s exhausting, humiliating, childish and a horrible example for our children.  His kids were used to it, but mine were confused and upset.  I didn’t want my kids thinking it was okay to behave this way and this was just the way married people fought.

It’s been three years and Mr. Hyde is still struggling with this "change."  I have to give him credit. He usually keeps it indoors and the frequency has decreased, but he still has trouble with the childish, temper-tantrum type of behavior.  He fought with his ex for 15 years the old way so I just hope it doesn’t take me another 15 to change the habit.  In this case, change is not only good, but in my mind, necessary.