J-Fed: Prince of Darkness

For awhile I thought I was just being paranoid in thinking that J-Fed is out to screw me any which way from Sunday. But I'm now starting to realize that I'm not paranoid, I'm right.

I'm sitting here in disbelief. It all happened so fast that I didn't even have time to process the entire debacle... at least not until now. J-Fed came in to return the dog yesterday and noticed that one of the lights he'd installed into my home office had fallen down.

I could still remember the day that he put them in. He was so proud. You see, while most people would simply install your average light fixtures, J-Fed had to go above and beyond -- so he installed the lights that he uses on multi-million dollar yachts. Not to sound like an ingrate, but I would have preferred standard old lights. 

Now these lights aren't used in the offices of big boats; in fact, I'm not really sure what they're used for but I believe they go under the water. What I do know is that from day one, they became extremely hot and within a couple of days the fixtures fell down as a result of the blistering heat.

Needless to say, the big dummy walked in yesterday and noticed that my light had fallen down once again. Before I could say "get the hell out of my house," he was unscrewing the lights, rendering me lightless. This, of course, meant that I couldn't use my office to work because there was no light.

"This is a fire hazard. The bulbs are too hot. Sorry I've got to take them out," he explained as he literally stole the light from my eyes. Well, ain't you all that and a bag of chips Fire Marshall Bill.

A fire hazard??? Hello, these lights were installed almost nine months ago and you're telling me this now. Now that you don't live here anymore, you're suddenly concerned about fire hazards. Do you want to check my smoke alarms and disable all of them while you're at it you putz? Or maybe you have a problem with the dishwasher and how that was installed. Perhaps you'd like to rip that out too.