Kiki's Silent Treatment

It's been five whole days with no J-Fed.

The stress-related rashes have started to clear up. The heavy weight sitting on my chest is no longer there. The palpatations that usually accompanied his phone calls have ceased. And the pain of having to think of him and the other woman is no longer plaguing me from the moment I wake up until the minute I go to bed.

I feel like a new woman. In fact, I feel like breaking into song and singing "I'm Every Woman." It sounds corny as hell, but this is the split that I needed. Having him my life day in and day out was like dying a slow death. And if the insanity didn't stop it would have put me in my grave... or at the very least on the unemployment line.

You can only be so consumed by a situation before it tears you apart and leaves you depleted of all sense of self. Oh, that's another thing. I'm getting my groove back. For the last 120 hours, I haven't been called a stupid bitch. Nobody has told me I'm lazy. I haven't had to hear that my mom raises my children while I do nothing, despite the fact that the opposite is true. I haven't been called a psycho or a stalker. I haven't been told I need to get a life, which consequently I do have, and a good one at that. I haven't been told I'm jealous and petty. I haven't been accused of brainwashing the children.

I'm actually starting to like myself again, which for awhile I was beginning to wonder if that would ever happen.

Apparently, J-Fed is none too happy that I won't communicate with him. He believes this is game playing, having my parents act as intermediaries. I beg to differ. I think this is the ideal way to handle things. He can call them at any given moment to discuss or make arrangements to see the children. I am in no way hindering his ability to visit his kids -- that's something I wouldn't do.