Let Us Kiss And Part

Another Saturday night with Mr. Excitement come to visit. Another 6 beers drank and now he’s begging me to go on a beer run.

“No.” I refused without hesitation.

“Why?” he asked, surprised.

“Because we need the money for more important things.”

“Ten bucks wont’ break us.”

“No, but forty will and when you start drinking that’s why you wind up spending. Besides, ten bucks will buy dinner and cigarettes.” I was keeping my voice level, trying not to get sucked into a fight. I stayed perfectly poised in my relaxed position on the sofa, watching Reverend Shepherd preaching forgiveness on the television. Don’t get aggressive. Don’t fight.

“I really need this, Ogamy. I’m hurting. I’m out of my pain meds. The beer stops the pain for just a little while.”

I felt my reserve starting to crumble. He has severe rheumatoid arthritis and I know the pain is unbearable. I know someone broke into his locker at work and stole half of his pills. I know he’s been out for two days. I know he’s going into withdrawals, which only makes the pain worse. I know all this, but I also know we only have fourth dollars left to make it two more weeks and we’re swimming in debt. I’m scared and I can’t share this with him. He has enough on his plate.

“No more beer tonight.” I insisted, trying to remain firm. He needed a break. I needed a break. This was for his own good.

Then came the head games.

“I left my lighter in the car. Can I have your keys?” he asked, moving towards my purse. I snatched it off the hook before he could reach it. I took out my keys and the money and I sat on them.