Let's Talk About Sex

I’m not gettin’ any, which is only slightly less than when I was still with Mr. Hyde. 

Maybe I’m not being fair, but it’s true.  When we were dating, we couldn’t keep our hands off each other and everything was done in multiples.  We would make love for HOURS until our lips were swollen and bruised from kissing and our bodies were sore from all the horizontal gymnastics.

When the reality of life and marriage sunk in, we were too tired to make time for each other.  It tapered off; five, four, three, two nights a week until finally if I got it more than 3 times a month I was supposed to be grateful.  Each time we overcame our exhaustion to do the deed, it was a one-time deal…no going back for seconds in the same session.

We tried spicing things up.  Mr. Hyde bought Kama Sutra cards with different positions, I bought scratch off cards with dirty suggestions, and once, Mr. Hyde suggested doing it every day for two solid weeks…we made it three days before a bitter fight halted that ambitious plan.

He would complain our lack luster sex life was my fault because I didn’t seem to ‘want him’ anymore.  When someone curses at you, calls you vile names and criticizes your parenting, behavior and attitude, it’s NOT sexy.  Why in the hell would I want to sleep with someone who finds me so unappealing outside the bedroom?  Why would he want to sleep with me?

He would complain I didn’t initiate enough.  I would point out recent times I had and he produced an excuse for each one; “well, you felt like you had to,” or “you were just paying me back for letting you go out with your friends,” or my personal favorite, “I don’t remember.”  He said if he didn’t recall it, I must not have made it memorable enough.  OUCH.  I was supposed to put more effort into sex after comments like that?  Where’s my motivation?  I never made excuses when he got frisky; I enjoyed it, and then told him I enjoyed it.  I figured positive reinforcement might lead to more sheet time.