Limbo Low

Six months has come and gone since Mr. Hyde and I parted ways and filed for divorce.  By now, I hoped it would have been done.  We don’t have kids together and the waiting period is only 60 days, so what’s the problem?


Divorce is rarely a quick or easy process.  Lawyers and courts tease you with 60 or 90 day waiting periods, but that doesn’t account for the time it takes to draw up the papers, file them with the courts, have them properly served.  Property needs to be divided before the final papers can be filed and even then, you have to wait on a judge to sign them. 


Marriage is serious commitment, so getting out of a marriage shouldn’t be easy.  Plenty of time should be allowed for people to change their mind or reconcile.  It gives both parties a chance to adjust to all the changes, accept them, and prepare for a future without their spouse.


I admit it, I’m impatient.  When a relationship is volatile, toxic or destructive, I wish there was an ‘express’ line you could go through to get through the divorce faster.  You know it’s not going to work out; you just want to sever ties and start your new life…now.


Sharing a lawyer didn’t work.  Mr. Hyde’s personal demands and threats scared me.  He never physically hurt me, but I was abused in my first marriage.  When you raise a hand (even if it’s an empty threat) to someone who has been hit before, they automatically flinch and cover…that’s what I did.  I got a protective order and my own lawyer…pronto!  I’m sure Mr. Hyde thought I was overacting, but the threat felt real and scary to me.  I know it’s a trust issue I have to work on.


Settling our property and liabilities is the reason for the stall in our divorce process.  Until we deal with it, I can’t buy my own place and I’m too unsure of my financial situation to get an apartment.  My girlfriend is continuing to let me live with her while paying minimal rent, but I’m getting antsy.  I want my own place.  I want my own life.  I want to start over fresh and give my kids a solid, stable home.  That’s hard to do when we are living out of suitcases, boxes and in someone else’s house.  I’m in limbo until everything is final.  When I meet people, I’m embarrassed to explain I’m not divorced yet.  I live with a friend…I don’t have my own life yet.


I know it will happen eventually.  Don’t misunderstand…I know I made the best and right choice.  I’m happy to be near my kids, friends, and family.  I don’t regret my decision and I absolutely know I’m on the right track now.  I’m just getting frustrated with living in limbo patiently waiting for my real life to begin!