Lonely

Tonight I realized how lonely I really am. I miss Charisma. I miss him horribly. I miss having someone who talked to me. I miss having someone who listened to me. I miss having someone who spent time with me.

Excitement comes home, eats dinner and falls asleep. Tonight he didn’t even make it through dinner before he passed out. His face sank slowly towards his food. Every time I tried to remove his plate, he woke and insisted that he was still hungry. Then his eyes drooped again and his head bobbed. Finally, his forehead met the baked potato and he began to snore. I left him there with his face in his food.

He’s tired, he says. The sun takes everything out of him, he says. Legitimate excuses, I suppose, but it still amounts to the same thing: By the end of the day he has nothing left in him to give to me.

Charisma hasn’t called once since he left. He said he’d call when he got to the other relative’s house but he never did. It’s been two days and he hasn’t called once. And I’m not surprised. He knows that Excitement won’t be awake to take his calls. Excitement fell asleep early every night while Charisma was in town. And why would Charisma want to talk to me? I’m nothing special.

But he made me feel special. For just a few days I felt like I actually mattered. For just a few days I felt like I could actually do something with my life. For just a few days I felt smart and funny and interesting. And then he left and all of those feelings left with him. Now I just feel isolated and trapped.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Excitement. There was no physical attraction between me and his brother. Nothing remotely inappropriate happened. I just miss talking to someone. I just feel so damn lonely.