Maybe or Maybe Not

Since leaving Prince Charming I had been super busy just trying to finish college. Last post I was thinking of giving P.C. one more chance. Well, since then he has been out of town for work so I haven’t really needed to decide what I want to do. This has been a very good thing because I have no idea what I want to do. On one hand I think I should give him another chance because he wasn’t that bad. I mean really there were plenty of good things about him. He always worked hard, he didn’t have any addictions, he didn’t try to control me, he helped me pay for college, and he was never physically abusive. We had many good times and share many great memories. There were a lot of times I felt happy. 

However, on the other hand he wasn’t that good either. He was verbally abusive. He never emotionally supported me with school, even when I pleaded to be left alone to study. He totally refused to help me with housework even when I begged. He always put his friends before me, even on our wedding anniversary. He lied. He talked to other women on the internet. We had many loud, screaming, swearing arguments, and many bad days. There were a lot of times I felt miserable. 

Still, maybe WE should have another try. He has apologized over and over, and I did make a commitment to him. I didn’t take those marriage vows lightly. But then, I didn’t take those marriage vows lightly, but it looks like he sure has hell did. Maybe he will change, but maybe he won’t. Sometimes I miss him and want to run to him. Other times I am glad he’s gone, and wonder why the heck I stayed so long. Why can’t I pick one? Why can’t I make up my mind? I could be throwing away a great changed guy and a happy future. Or I could be setting myself up for devastation all over again. There is no way to know. I have to decide. I have to choose a side.