Moment of Weakness

Just say ‘no.’ I did.  I admit I considered meeting up with Mr. Hyde for a ‘date night.’  We used to have such fun on those mini romantic trips when we were dating.  But after thinking through all the consequences, I decided it wasn’t a good idea.  Besides, my girlfriends would have kicked my ass!

I worked hard on our marriage and it took me a long time to finally throw in the towel.  It was a hard decision, but I spent time building up courage and confidence in myself so I could make that choice.  Why would I want to undo all my hard work?

Yes, I have my kids, friends and family, but the last couple of months, I’ve felt lonely.  I miss having another person to cuddle up with in bed and watch tv.  Someone to hold my hand, give me a kiss or a really good hug when I’m having a bad day.  I miss having someone to share my day with when I come home.  All the little things are what I miss most.

Living on my own, the crappy parts of life with Mr. Hyde are starting to fade from memory; or maybe I’m mentally blocking them so I can move forward.  Blocking out the crappy stuff leaves me with the good memories.  I want to keep those memories, but sometimes, they make me doubt myself and my decisions.

In my head and in my heart, I absolutely know I made the right decision for my kids and myself.  But I’m still trying to find a balance between the good and the bad memories.  Until I’m strong enough, I need to remind myself of the bad times as well as the good.  I can’t completely forget the bad stuff.  With only good memories, a moment of weakness could creep up on me and make me do something totally stupid.  My girlfriends have been wonderful and have gladly kicked my ass when I needed it.