No Contact

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but what about no contact?

In two short days, I’ll be facing Mr. Hyde in divorce court.  I haven’t seen him in 9 months and for the last four months; we’ve had absolutely no contact because of the protective order I requested.  Some days I feel saddened by the loss of our dream and other days I want to rip his head off…not sure how I’ll feel on Thursday.

Knowing I’ll see him has churned up mixed memories.  Dr. Jekyl’s charming side, all the obstacles we overcame to be together, how much I love him.  But love is not enough and Mr. Hyde tore me down.  I never knew who I was coming home to everyday and the constant stress ate me up.  Just reading my previous posts reminds me why I left.

No matter how right your reasons, no matter how much better your life has become, a divorce is still painful.  You love this person, or did once.  Realizing it will never become the life-long relationship you had such hope for really sucks.  It’s an ending; a final period on a promise you both made, but couldn’t keep.

This is number three for me and I feel like a batter…three strikes; you’re out!  Mr. Hyde and I have no children, so there’s no reason for us to ever see or speak to each other again.  We can both walk away like the other never existed and I find that sad.  I love his kids, his family and him.  I never wanted ‘no contact’ but we just couldn’t settle things amicably.

I’m hoping when I see him in a couple of days, we can finally put the ugliness behind us and move forward.  Despite all the crap, I don’t wish him any harm.  I hope he gets helps, finds his own happiness and someone to share it with.  I’m ready to start fresh and focus on my kids and our new life.  Let’s just sign the papers, and acknowledge the end.

I wish him well, but I have more self respect now.  I’ve regained my independence and I won’t let anything or anyone drag me back down.  I’m ready to wrap this up, but if Mr. Hyde still wants to fight, I’m going to totally kick his ass!