Not Angry

So my relationship is over and I know it. I have known it for a while now. I am still with him physically speaking still actually living with him and all for two more months anyway. However, mentally and emotionally I have been gone for some time now. 

Over the last two years I have gone through many phases and emotions. While planning our wedding and being married to Prince Charming for the first two months I was ecstatic. I was happy. I had all these visions and dreams of all the things we would do and what a wonderful life we would have together.  

That didn’t last long. The next phase was shock. Who was this person I was living with? I didn’t even know him. What happened to the guy I had dated? That guy would never treat me like this.

After that came Trying. I tried to make our relationship work. I really did. We went to counseling classes. We also went on marriage retreat for a weekend. I tried letting things go. I knew marriage was going to take some adjusting. I knew it was going to take some work. 

After a few months of trying to make things work I got angry. He was not trying. He didn’t care. He was not changing. So I stopped trying. Then we were always angry at each other. Yelling, slamming doors, both going out our way to make sure we didn’t do any favors for the other one. 

Then I got tired of being angry so I gave up. Around the time of our first anniversary I decided that we just weren’t going to work out and we just weren’t meant to be together. I wanted to leave right away, but I wanted to put some money away first and that is what I have been doing since February. 

Although I gave up on us I still had feelings for him. I was still in love with him or at least who he used to be, I was still angry that he was such an asshole, and I was still sad that things weren’t going to work out.