Not At Work

Seven emails before 10 a.m., and they are all angry and accusing.  Mr. Hyde was on a real tear this morning.  It’s hard to concentrate and get any work done with emails constantly pouring in telling me I’m the cause for our problems, and I’m not trying hard enough to make things work.  How I’m just looking for excuses instead of recognizing all the progress he’s made to make things better at home.

Just ignore him, right?  Well, when someone is accusing you of being thoughtless, insensitive and a bad parent, it’s hard to just let it slide.  I’m screwed either way -- if I don’t answer, he’s pissed I ignored him. If I do answer, he misunderstands everything I say and thinks I’M attacking him.  

I’ve asked nicely, and not so nicely; if you can’t say anything nice, don’t email me at all.  But when he’s angry or depressed, he can’t seem to wait to discuss things at home.  And when we do get home at night, we avoid bringing it up because then it becomes an all out war.

There is nothing worse than sitting at my desk in tears because of things he’s saying to me or about me.  He says maybe he should just ‘end it’ and seems to be threatening to hurt himself.  I beg him to get help or talk to someone and he accuses me of verbally abusing him by saying he needs professional help. 

I just want to help him and I’m not a trained professional -- no matter what I try, I can’t help him.  He’s so empty and unhappy and he grasps for something, ANYTHING to be the reason for his unhappiness rather than recognizing that it’s a hole in his soul -- not anything like a lost game, angry words or perceived slight.