Oil Vey

I've never been one who pretends to be something I'm not.

A year had almost passed, and I realized I might very well be alone forever. Then I met Mr. Ex. I could have played it cool and kept all of my idiosyncrasies hidden. But I refused to go against my principals. I explained to him from the get go that I was a human trainwreck and haphazard in many aspects of my life.

On a professional level, I'm on my game. I'm competent. reliable and I'll stop at nothing to get the job done. Even as a parent, I do alright. But on a personal level? Wow, watch out. Because it's the equivalent of witnessing the Tasmanian devil blow through a room. For starters...

1. I lose my credit cards on an almost daily basis. I've already replaced my debit card twice this month and I'm certain it's only a matter of time before the bank cuts me off as a customer, or starts charging me for replacement cards at the very least. This is a habit that puts everyone around me on edge. Even my closest friends become infuriated as they watch me scramble through my purse searching in vain for one card or another. Maybe it's because I shove them in my back pocket, drop them in my purse or stuff them in my center console. It's almost like an ongoing game of hide-and-seek that actually comes at a price. Even after years of doing this, it never ceases to amaze me the places where my cards turn up -- in the bottom of my hamper, next to the kitchen sink, in my jewelry box, up my ass. Sometimes I think it's cool to lose the cards. If I can't find them, I can't use 'em. I know the rationale is a little backwards, but it's me.