On The First Day There Was...
The World According To Kiki & J-Fed
Mirror, mirror on the wall. Who has the worst husband of all? It feels like I've spent a lifetime complaining about my husband. In reality, it's been no more than five years. Well, they say time flies when you're having fun. It's hard to pinpoint the one thing that drives me insane about my significant other... but let me count the ways he makes me crazy. Maybe it's the way he sleeps through the night undisturbed as I wake up frequently to take care of our newborn or perhaps it's how he exclaims "but I took out the trash last month!" I should have taken out 200 pounds of trash months ago.
Oh there are so many injustices to choose from, I don't know where to begin.
I guess I should first introduce him. Ladies, meet J-Fed. Yes, I honestly believe my dear hubby could give Brit Brit's man a run for his money. While my husband is no freeloader, he i s a freespender --- having blown a whopping $20,000 on his racing hobby. Me, I was left footing the tab for electric, rent, phone and every other bill to compensate for the last six months. And yes, he finds it more rewarding to hang with his friends than to spend time with me. K-Fed may be America's most hated, but J Fed is certainly Kiki's most hated.
Just last month, he informed me that he wants a six month break. Not a divorce, mind you, but a break to clear his head. A separation, so to speak. He doesn't want to be accountable for taking care of the house, nor does he want to disclose his whereabouts or his finances. Unfortunately, he also doesn't want to sign divorce papers. Oh, what's a girl to do.
Far too many times, I've threatened divorce. And far too many times, I've changed my mind. So for now, I'll simply use his behavior as fodder for entertainment... both yours and mine. For just when you think it can't get any worse... it always can. If you think your husband is bad, you're probably right. But then so is mine. And so is hers, and hers, and hers. Yes, because right here, in this time and space, all men truly all created equal. And that's not saying a whole hell of alot.