Oops! I Did It Again Damnit

So today is day 4 of C's sort-of silent treatment. I say sort-of because he is still calling me, just not as often and with less content to the conversations. I hate that I miss him so much. I went from being his love and his best friend, to I don't know what in a matter of minutes. I want to ask him if he misses me because I 'm dying inside. I want to ask him if he is still in love with me because I can't bear to to think of the alternative. I never thought it was possible to fall out of love with someone if you were truely in love to begin with.

C is all I think about when I wake up and all I dream about when I'm asleep. He has become so much a part of me that the idea of not having that anymore is killing me. Have you ever wanted to take something back that you said or did so badly that you would give up your own life to do so? I think I was so afraid of losing him that I sabotaged our relationship. Where do I go from here? How can I get "us" back?

He never said we were breaking up. He told me he didn't want me to leave thinking that we were over. He said he loves me and wants to be with me. I don't know what to think or how to feel. This is worse than my divorce. How sick is that! C is the most amazing man I have ever met. Damn it!